Adjusting

So, I after I left Meredith College I dreamed of returning. I knew that they way I left was painful and that I just HAD to come back and finish what I started here. But I never knew that coming back would be so hard. I'm back here on this gorgeous campus, with great people and caring professors. It's a familiar place, but the situation is so so so unfamiliar. It's so NEW. It's the same place but it's different. And it's hard.

It is taking me SOOOO long to find friends. SOOOO long to try to find out where I belong, what kind of things I have time for, what kind of things I don't have time for, etc. It's never taken me this long to fit in somewhere. I am a sophomore living with seniors, yet I am a year older than the seniors that I am living with. Age doesn't really matter as much as class does. The girls that I am living with are really great girls, but it is hard because they all have known each other and lived together for the past year... and they all want to go out because they're seniors and they want to live it up, etc. And that's just not my mood/desire right now. So i've tried to make friends with other sophomores, but they are all a few years younger than me. And lately I've just felt like a loser with no real friends. It's been weird adjusting back to things when i'm not a freshman anymore. I didn't have orientation, i'm not in the dorms, I don't go to the dining hall. Honestly, it's been kind of lonely.

And I'm only taking 13 credits but I'm still SOOOOO nervous about my grades. I'm not a good test taker and it definitely showed with the first round of exams. I am extremely disappointed in myself. I just want make good grades and not have to worry, but I am worried sooo much that my stomach hurts. I HAVEEEE to bring my GPA up. HAVE TO. no other choice.

Anyway, I have been involved with Meredith's Cornhuskin. (The big battle-of-the-classes/unity event that Meredith puts on once a year.) The main event is friday, Nov 4th, and each class puts on skits/ dances/ hog-callin/ cornhuskin/ apple bobbin competition/ etc. It's all judged for points, seniors normally win. Throughout the week leading up to cornhuskin there is a big sis/lil sis bonfire, presidents raid, hall raids, and can-art. It's all in great fun... and I love it. So i've been going to practice learning the dances twice a week for the past two weeks. So that is kind of helping in allowing me to meet new people. I also got elected Treasurer for Meredith Association of Family & Consumer Sciences (MAFCS). So that is kind of cool. I'm trying to be involved, but it is still very lonely.

And then... i've just been having a hard time in general. It's rough. But i'm getting there. I will be ok. I'm just so so glad that it's fall break right now and that i get a few days to de-stress.